reflecting on the moments...

hey mama haaaaaay!!! who’s awake right now!? huh? huh?

let me ask; do you ever feel like you could literally come in like a wrecking ball (no pun intended Miley) and hit the bed like a bull dozer out of pure exhaustion from the longest day… week…month, YEAR of your life—that moment… you know ‘that’ one where it all seems to have finally fizzled down to normal again, you can EXHALE. even better, breathe in easy and SLEEP without anything weighing on your mind. ahhhhhhhhhh (heavens open up) precious underrated sleeeeep….

oh but wait. not if you’re me. nope. naturally in just two seconds of this realization you start giving yourself “options” instead as you scan your mental checklist one more time. yes, unfortunately and regrettably to admit—this is me. being the “always find something else to do besides sleep” type of over-achiever i must clearly be in order to ‘feel’ normal. yes, my girls are tuckered away and while my head should also be hitting the pillow, here i sit instead blogging away at 10:30 pm, trying to cut myself some slack for the amount of ‘wrecking ball’ i’ll be in the morning.

but i’m also a silver lining kind of girl and knowing that writing and talking to you is simply part of my….therapy i suppose you could say---always seems to help justify my own self-induced sleep deprivation.

…and now that that’s out of the way, can i ask for a pat on the back please? thank you.

and i’d also like to say thank you to all the mommas who keep up with me on here! you should know that every time i sit down to write i am thinking of you—wondering if you’re doing the same thing in your busy mommy-brain as i am. i always hope that with these words you find some sort of momentary release of your own ‘crazy’ as i take you into our world.

and gawd isn’t this thing called “motherhood” so wild at times!?  this week has been NUTS. totally friggin’ peanuts! my life (in general) is that way i suppose and always has been by no one’s doing but my own of course. i am a ridiculously— “utilize every second possible” Type ‘A’—and there are times i can actually say, it’s the “catch22” life and death of me. miraculously i can love it and despise it all at the same time. but my inner-being-ness is also a catch 22 because as much of a social butterfly as i am, people who didn’t know me well might suspect that i’d have a hard time being alone for too long. and that’s just not the case. 

i was halfway complaining to hub the other night about April and May being the two busiest months of the year with the thousand and one birthdays (between friends and family) including my own, add to that baby showers and Mother’s Day celebrations. of course he reminded me that i am just as busy around the holidays and that it is "also" by my ‘own choosing’. what a punk.

but i don’t think i know a single mom who isn’t busy around that time. do you!? and surely i can’t help having so many people in my life who i absolutely love and adore…nor would i trade the chaos of their special occasions and celebrations for anything else this time of year. it’s always worth it!

nonetheless, it’s still nice to finally breathe …i can finally sit down and spend time reflecting. and that feels sooo good. and of course  i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t counting down the days at this point until we are on that plane on Sunday at the crack of dawn. yes, i cannot wait to get away with my lover to Palm Beach for the yearly president’s retreat he's qualified for every year for the last six years. he’s such a rock star and i’m so proud of all his hard work. and this year, yes…let’s talk about this year where we will not only be kid-free but pregnant-free too, which means we are in for one damn good time together!

as much as we love our little nuggets and will miss the “yucky cookies” out of them (as Hannah calls her sister’s diaper-presents) we are so beyond ready for some quality time alone. and i realize what a gift these trips really are at this specific time of the year simply because our time together runs so slim as the hub gets the back burner to the many other loved ones in my life. and so, we’ve got the Mimi and Granddad driving in from Oregon and in T-minus five days we are outta here baby!!!!

but since this post is about ‘reflecting’…. i’ll start with the two birthday projects for my best friend—a scrapbook and a poem that i have every intention on publishing as a children’s book, add to that an “old Hollywood glam” birthday bash i planned for weeks for the two of us (mainly for her).

she is without a doubt one of the people in my life who i cannot imagine a life without. God definitely made us friends in ‘this’ particular lifetime because he knew our parents couldn’t handle us as sisters. but 'blood-shblood', the girl IS my sister, my heart, and my soul. the better, more wild side of me that is forced to remember that life is too short to not let your hair down and get a little sexy, crazy every now and then. and yes, her scrapbook was titled “The Timelessly Sexy One”…that’s our Brookie who we love so dearly.

a solid friendship for past a decade now and we’ve have had one ‘fight’ (if you could even call it that) after a brutal ride home from another Vegas trip, i dunno…like seven years ago?? i know that this type of friendship is not only a rare find but a true eternal blessing and our birthdays are just five days apart so (since we’re so awesome) we choose to make it easier on everyone by throwing ourselves joint parties every year…almost every year.

and of course, when it came time in the night to give her her gifts, i was beyond anxious to see the look on her face as she read the poem and flipped through the scrapbook with letters from each of the girls in our ‘kitten clan’ and photos that go back in time by ten plus years. and i have to say that in that very moment all the hard work in planning and prepping the house for a party and the two weeks i spent working on those labors of love—was all SO worth it. because she is. she is worth so much more than i did or ever could do. that’s what an amazing, loyal, honest friend she has never once failed to be to me…to all of us. add “incredible auntie” to that list. Hannah is always asking for “auntie B, auntie B”.  

she’s the one who is there in the blink of an eye to get on her hands and knees and help look for the diamond that fell out of her best friend’s setting as her best friend panicks over what to tell her husband. we may not have found it but she was my diamond that day…she’s the one who is there for all the ones she loves even when it is least convenient. she’s the one you know you can count on. she’s loyal and honest with everyone. her heart truly is her greatest masterpiece and i can’t even stand how much i love and adore her.

and let's be honest, i’m gonna go ahead and pat myself on the back here and say that i know how to throw a damn good party! SO. MUCH. FUN. dressing up and feeling sexy and glamorous for a night on the ‘red carpet’….the only downside is that now i have no idea how i could possibly top this one next year!

and along with the birthdays also came baby showers, a princess party, and a few blogs here and there…one of which i collaborated with a friend on a topic we are extremely passionate about and particularly over the moon in ‘reflection’ since Living Whole with their 15,000 followers (among a few others) have shared it on Facebook and its received hundreds of ‘likes’, ‘comments’, and more ‘shares’ ….i truly count it as a blessing from God in being diligent to what has been placed on my heart to share with all those willing to listen with regard to the SB277 bill on mandated vaccinations for public and private school entry.

 “the last hope of human liberty rests on us” ~ Thomas Jefferson.

there was point in time where i had succumb to the pressure of backing down, telling myself it was “too sensitive” of a subject--until i realized that there was no shame in doing what i was doing and that progress in this world has not been made by people who are too afraid to speak up. the truth can hurt sometimes, but it doesn't mean we stay quiet. enough said on that topic.

of course, there were also all the simple yet beautiful highlights these last couple weeks with my two little peanuts on top of balancing all of thee above alongside the usual errands and mommy/wifey duties. but i can honestly say that on my most difficult day playing mommy, i am still the happiest woman alive and i can only thank God for that. as mommas we are naturally wired to be obsessed with our children, but i sometimes wonder if my obsession is healthy or not...i keep telling myself it is.

and can we all just set our judgements aside for a moment to talk about the “mommy oopsies”.  i laid on my cousins couch one day this week as we were laughing away at all those ‘oopsies’ (like)— accidentally hitting our babies head on the car seat and/or ceiling of the car…. or a door frame for the umteenth time (to name but just a couple) ….yes those “oopsie, SORRY baby!!!” moments we couldn’t help but crack up over.  horrible! just horrible…. “we’re such bad moms!” 

and since i’m going totally transparent here, let me just tell you that one of my most  traumatizing and permanently scarring “oopsie” moments happened when Hannah was about 3 and half months old. we were sitting outside at church one morning in the tent as the pastor had just come on the screen to start the sermon. dead quiet. Hannah started fussing so (mindlessly) i picked her car seat up off the ground and placed it on the chair next to me to calm her down. and she did…until five minutes later when  her car seat flipped over onto the ground which set her off WHALING…oh and then realized it was probably not the most brilliant idea to put her on a folding chair.  let me just say---what. a. scene.

i had literally jumped up startled, screaming “oh my God, oh my God!!!” over and over again, trying to flip the car seat around as it gets stuck on my scarf and she starts screaming even louder. thankfully, between hub and i we finally managed only after wrestling the scarf off my neck. and needless to say THANK GOD she was strapped in and the handle was locked in place so her face didn’t even touch the ground.

 as i was rocking her and calming her down, trying to also breathe and calm myself down---and stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, i was so thankful for the sweet woman who so lovingly walked over to rub my arm and say “sweetie, i dropped my babies so many times and they all turned out ok—we’ve all been there.” and as we were leaving, hub so sweetly reminds me: “can you imagine how my mom must have felt to walk around with her baby in an arm cast because she wasn’t looking when i fell off the changing table?” (as sad as that is) he had me in tears i was laughing so hard.

gawd i sure hope i don’t have any cps workers reading this blog!

and yes, the ‘oopsies’ were no exception this week with Adelynn. my poor baby who fell off the couch once earlier in the week and then tonight toppled forward in the bathtub (thankfully before i filled it with bathwater) which landed a nice little red mark across her cheek bone. where was i you’re wondering? on both occasions  i had literally stepped away for one second to grab towels/ hannah’s bowl of strawberries on the counter. but that’s all it takes. one awful second…followed by a lot of mommy guilt before we are all smiles again and moving on with the day.

and thankfully she’s such a spirited and happy little baby. i think she still loves me. the best part was watching her (red faced and all) after the bath—staring at her reflection offering up a tea cup to the 'baby' staring back at her. she is thee cutest and happiest doll! truly melts my heart just staring at her as she lights up with joy. 

not to mention our moments with Hannah have been increasingly entertaining as every moment she seems to develop more and more into this little self-assured go-getter, telling it “like it is”. she is two…yes TWO and the girl wants to either live exclusively in her “Minnie” pajamas otherwise change her outfit THREE times a day. and hub tells me a few days ago that he caught her glancing at her backside in the mirror…“WHAaaaaaaT!? oh Lord help me!!!”….she’s totally mimicking me….ok hub—and you too, you know it! and now here i am contemplating removing every mirror in the house before it turns into the 'house of vain' ok, kidding….sorta.

seriously though, i simply cannot believe that she is only two years old and already cares SO much about what she wears and how she looks. she’s definitely not getting the “change three times” thing from me….although i’m told that as a child i was also a ‘little’ obsessive compulsive when i got something in my head. which brings me to perhaps my all-time favorite moment late last week when Adelynn was down for her morning nap and Hannah and i were playing in the backyard. WOW was it a HOT one!

once we came inside after a couple hours,  i took the pony tail out of hannah’s sweaty, sunscreen tainted WILD hair (the photo below doesn't do justice) and i start busting out in uncontrollable laughter saying “baby, you’re SO cute” and she totally WAS! but of course it took her all of two seconds to look in the mirror as she turns to me TOTALLY MORTIFIED; breaking out in tears:  “NO MOMMY!!! NOT cute” “NOT cute mommy”  “FITZ it!!!” “FITZ it"

oh man i’m so bad…i truly cannot stop laughing at this point as i whip out my camera to capture the frazzled hair (that i had already 'sorta' tamed) and she throws up her hand “NO PIT-URE Mommy!!!!” she’s TWO and such a character already…


oh, my poor child do have to bear with ‘me’ as a mother.

of course i had no intention of traumatizing her forever and went and got the brush to “fitz it” for her. as i continued to smile and chuckle on the inside, she stared at herself in the mirror until her hair was perfect and then says to me: “okay mommy-- pit-ure” before we were off to the art room for some finger-painting. i can’t even handle it. she’s so funny.

and our morning would not have been complete without a trip to Starbucks today and Hannah’s first mani-pedi ever. and just before hanging by the fountain and feeding the birds at Starbucks, i took her to Rite Aid to pick out her nail polish for “after nap” ---"dis one puh-pull annnnnnnnd DIS one spaw-kles” she says as she instantly grabs the two she already knows she wants. no surprises there.  

as we raised our usual  “cheers darling” to our hot-coco and decaf cinnamon dolche latte i couldn’t help but stare at her ...as she gets older and so much more assertive, i am always wanting to jump into her little head and hang there for a while. to see the world as she sees it…same goes for Adelynn. most days i am home with them i am spending more than half the time just marveling. they captivate my world. they're my 'little Minis' and best buds.

writing about these beautiful, sweet moments with them somehow always leaves me missing them to the point where i can’t even stand to be away from them for one more second...and then i wonder how it was that just moments ago i was counting down the days to get away from them…oh the endless love. they are my world and i want to capture every last fleeting moment and stick them in a time capsule where i can relive them whenever i want to. they’re just little babes and yet still growing up way too fast! i can’t take it!

on that note, i think i’ll just leave you with a few photo highlights as i go sneak in their room and watch them sleep for a few….  then oh-i-dunno, i suppose i should get some sleep too. lord knows i need it!