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as i lay in bed right now totally exhausted from the chaos of the entire
month of November, there's a huge part of me that knows i should call it a
night and close my eyes as i think to myself "maybe tonight's the night." the night i actually get a full night of
uninterrupted sleep.
"wishful thinking" YES! that's right. the ‘box’ is now checked✔ along with many other things i have to toss in it every night. to name a few and i'll try not to get carried away...
i think for starters an uninterrupted hour-long, candle-lit, hot bubble bath sounds nice while sipping on a glass of fine red and listening to meditation music or Sade, same difference.
or maybe a full-body massage to work out the thousand tension knots in my neck and shoulders while receiving a facial with cucumbers on my eyes as my finger nails and toes are being perfectly manicured. a mom's gotta wish right!?
who am i kidding? this time of year every year is extra busy. when have i ever had time to sleep during these two months!?
in this moment, both of my little babies are sound asleep and my biggest baby, hubby, is on his way to bed, although i'm sure he's just making the transition from one tv downstairs to the one in our room. i don't watch too much t.v. hence finding a little time here and there to write.
so, for starters, the endless list is back up and running full circles in my mind yet again as it has since the first of last month...is it really already December!?
checking things off as they're completed while thinking about everything left on the list.
• 10 birthdays in total between family and friends (half completed)
• family 'picture day' ...thank the Good Lord those are done (and) i couldn't be more in love with the outcome!
• next up with the photos are the Shutterfly and Costco projects i.e. photo books, holiday cards, frames...
• Thanksgiving (check) now Christmas dinner/white elephant planning and preparations because let's face it, no matter how many times the hub is telling me to take a break from it every year, i can't not host. among other reasons, the joy in my heart is watching the ones i love enjoy my cooking. but isn't that every cook's reasoning!? i'm going 4-for-4 years in a row now.
• shopping, planning, and preparing for two more holiday parties with girlfriends in addition to those i'm hosting for my family.
• making overnight babysitting arrangements for yet another Christmas party in Vegas with the hubby's company and yes that's how we roll!
• shopping, planning, prepping for our annual 8-day Oregon getaway for the holiday. YAY!!!
still going....
• making arrangements for my lovely little Hannah's second birthday before we leave for Oregon. and i can't seem to figure out where the last two years flew to!
• (still) trying to squeeze in the weekly date night as we remind each other that "happy mommy & daddy" = happy Hannah & Adelynn and of course the devoted mommy time with my little banana when she's not at her 2 and 1/2 days a week daycare.
• birthday projects for friends
• play dates, laundry, annnnd ....more laundry
• finally (i think) planning a baby shower for my big brother and his sweet wife. the poor girl is due in a month and has been so sick her entire pregnancy. i actually created their registry for them the day after they told me she hadn't had a shower. in her country they don't have them. huh!? every momma has to get showered!
she's from the Philippines and just moved here with her daughter as soon as the fiancée visa arrived. i could go into an entire story about her and my brother, maybe (another) blog, because they are so amazing and perfect for each other (and) brought me a new niece whom i absolutely adore (and) are giving me a nephew due January 17th.
i couldn't be more thrilled and honored to be such a special part of it all...oh, but now...i'm side-tracked again ...
nothing new there …"scatter brain" should be my middle name at this point.
the truth is, while this blog may seem (so far) like some kind of busy-mom 'frustration rant', it's actually not...
if there's one thing i have acknowledged about myself at this point in my 30 years of life, i am and always have been a "busy body" ; a CSD or 'Certified Social Diva'. i do believe i can say i'm being original with that one!
it's simply the truth of ‘me’ and according to my parents, this was always the case. my dad has told me several times now about the laugh he'd have looking out the window to see his 5-year-old daughter leading a barefooted game of ‘follow the leader’ up the street, as a trail of neighborhood kids followed one-by-one closely behind.
i can only hope i was never the controlling 'tyrant' type of kid, though i'll admit, my memories are pretty vague. i DO however remember being outdoors playing ALL day long with my friends. it would be half past dark outside and i never wanted to go home for dinner.
the point is, it's me whether i like it (most days) or not.
sometimes i dream about how incredible it would be to just get away and go hop a plane to India or Bali and stay in an Ashram for two weeks to mediate while having taken a vow of silence the entire time so i can experience something new and different with myself...(with) God... "Eat, Pray, Love" anyone?
BUT just like everything else that i toss into my 'wishful thinking' box, i end up tossing that thought aside too, realizing that even if i had the opportunity tomorrow to do just that (and) as incredible as it would be, it would still pale in comparison to the complete and utter JOY i experience in the moments of my life being with the ones i love the most...laughing, playing, rocking and holding my babies close to me.
even through the hustle and bustle of the holidays, they are the JOY of my heart here on earth and it would be hard enough spending a few days away from them much more weeks.
not to mention, if i'm being real with the 'chatty Cathy' in me.... "really Naomi!?" take a ‘vow of silence' and go two WHOLE weeks without a word to anyone!? right! i could do that!
my soul THRIVES on being a relational and social human being, and there's nothing like owning the challenge to channel the inner Yogi in myself through the chaos of this life.
i find my greatest 'tests' administered from the Spirit world come to me either when i have a load of 'busy work' on my plate and even more in the situations that are totally out of my control such as my (near) two-year-old's outrageous screaming and crying fits on a regular basis.
it's become clockwork most evenings after she's had a bath when all i can do is chant 'OMMMMMM' in my head as i sit there staring at her (patiently) waiting and allowing her the time she needs to 'cry it out' before she's ready to oblige mommy with allowing me to put her diaper and PJs on.
my friends with boys say it's more exhausting because they're so rambunctious (not that i'm gonna argue that one) but WOW are toddler girls pure emotional drama at times!
but i suppose all i really need to do in those moments is turn the table around on myself (and) "self-reflect" for a few moments to realize that i (do) have within me the ability to sympathize with her, rather than being frustrated because who am i kidding!? according to the stories, i was even worse at her age. "pay back" i suppose…
yet something magical happens every time i succeed at tuning inward. when i seek more patience, God delivers. when i seek the 'Calm' through the chaos, i suddenly begin to feel it.
the only way to describe it is the feeling of floating through the moments as though it were really an illusion of some sort...
the 'illusion' that says Life must be in a hurry. "ALL WILL FAIL" if you don't "HURRY, HURRY, HURRY" ...get that diaper on 'NOW!' GET your shopping done NOW girl!
we've all been there right? just writing the words make me want to slow down.
and it's only when i choose not to tune myself inward that i'm left struggling with all the outward chaos. in those moments i am left to my own unfortunate, short-tempered strategies to "get the job DONE".
it's the 'uglier' side of me that leaves me desperately wishing for that escape to Bali to discover 'the new and improved me, the real me just like Julia Roberts (real-life character) Elizabeth in the book turned movie....or so that's what i tell myself…
but the reality is, there's no escape. even she learned that lesson through her journey.
i will be with 'me' wherever i go.
the big question is:
"who is the me i want to take with me wherever i go (in) whatever i am doing?"
the 'me' i am striving to be daily, is a me that chooses to be happy and stress-free through everything, especially the busier time of the year and even the tougher, more frustrating moments of life...
to practice the art of find my ‘happy place'....my 'Zen' ....even in the face of a raging storm and when i'm so physically and mentally exhausted that all i can do is PRAY and ask for the ‘miracle juice’ that keeps me going.
i'd be so lost and empty without my Spirituality. i can honestly say that i wonder how people get through life without it... without any sense of Spiritual purpose for this short life we are living in the grander scheme of things.
knowing and fully believing that the day will come, hopefully not until i’ve lived a looooong life, when i'm in my 'Life Review' on the other side… i'm quite certain that ALL of this will be worth something.
the 'me' i want to be is the me who chooses the higher road in every circumstance of life. the 'me' who can experience the fullness of heavenly Peace and Joy especially amidst the rolling thunder and waves... i want to walk on water!
i want to look back on my life with pride --not only in the love, grace, and patience i extend to my children, but to all those around me whether they "deserve" it or not.
through the midst of this crazy season, i am reminded of The Reason for the season--the birth of Christ and the pattern and example He laid out for all of us in order to experience the Way, the Truth, and the Life in our own lives and the lives of others.
through all the chaos, this Season, for me, has so far been a time of reflection:
what do i want (more) of? what do i (need to do) to get it? 'who' do i want to be more like?
and it always boils down to one Name...
Jesus.
i want to be more like Jesus and to continue doing my best to teach my girls to be like Jesus.
today was a nice break from all the hustle and bustle of shopping. we only had doctor appointments, naps, and praying over Operation Christmas Child boxes on the agenda.
through the coughs, colds, and sleepless nights of the last couple weeks, (today) i was reminded of how richly blessed we are in our lives and how much we have to be thankful for.
although i know Hannah didn't quite understand why we were praying for the boxes, she loves to pray nonetheless and it just....melts. my. heart. to see her clasp her fingers and close her eyes real tight waiting to say "Ahhh-men" as she smiles... man, it gets me every time!
as i wrote notes in the journals included for both the boy and girl who would receive the boxes encouraging them to share 'everything' with their journal, i imagined the reactions on their sweet little faces when they opened the box of toys. the thought alone made me smile.
of course i had to throw in a couple of mine and my brother’s own childhood favorites (i.e.) the whoopee cushion and 'snot' glasses, Jesus would approve right? ☺
but best of all is knowing that one day i won't have to 'wonder' what their faces looked like...ONE day when i'm standing on the other side, i will see the look on their faces when they opened those boxes and i will see the effect of all my choices-- good or bad, generous or selfish.
we are all connected through the love of the Living God as we give of ourselves, our time, and resources, not only to those we know and love, but to those we may never see in this lifetime...we are a thread, and like my favorite Chinese proverb says it best --
"the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break"
i was a little behind with it this year, but it's not too late to prepare a box if you haven't already! or make a donation to Samaritan's Purse and know that you are going to be a piece of that thread in bringing smiles and laughter to a child(ren) who need them this Christmas!
may your Season be Merry and oh. SO. BRIGHT during this 'happiest' time of the year!
God Bless
"wishful thinking" YES! that's right. the ‘box’ is now checked✔ along with many other things i have to toss in it every night. to name a few and i'll try not to get carried away...
i think for starters an uninterrupted hour-long, candle-lit, hot bubble bath sounds nice while sipping on a glass of fine red and listening to meditation music or Sade, same difference.
or maybe a full-body massage to work out the thousand tension knots in my neck and shoulders while receiving a facial with cucumbers on my eyes as my finger nails and toes are being perfectly manicured. a mom's gotta wish right!?
who am i kidding? this time of year every year is extra busy. when have i ever had time to sleep during these two months!?
in this moment, both of my little babies are sound asleep and my biggest baby, hubby, is on his way to bed, although i'm sure he's just making the transition from one tv downstairs to the one in our room. i don't watch too much t.v. hence finding a little time here and there to write.
so, for starters, the endless list is back up and running full circles in my mind yet again as it has since the first of last month...is it really already December!?
checking things off as they're completed while thinking about everything left on the list.
• 10 birthdays in total between family and friends (half completed)
• family 'picture day' ...thank the Good Lord those are done (and) i couldn't be more in love with the outcome!
• next up with the photos are the Shutterfly and Costco projects i.e. photo books, holiday cards, frames...
• Thanksgiving (check) now Christmas dinner/white elephant planning and preparations because let's face it, no matter how many times the hub is telling me to take a break from it every year, i can't not host. among other reasons, the joy in my heart is watching the ones i love enjoy my cooking. but isn't that every cook's reasoning!? i'm going 4-for-4 years in a row now.
• shopping, planning, and preparing for two more holiday parties with girlfriends in addition to those i'm hosting for my family.
• making overnight babysitting arrangements for yet another Christmas party in Vegas with the hubby's company and yes that's how we roll!
• shopping, planning, prepping for our annual 8-day Oregon getaway for the holiday. YAY!!!
still going....
• making arrangements for my lovely little Hannah's second birthday before we leave for Oregon. and i can't seem to figure out where the last two years flew to!
• (still) trying to squeeze in the weekly date night as we remind each other that "happy mommy & daddy" = happy Hannah & Adelynn and of course the devoted mommy time with my little banana when she's not at her 2 and 1/2 days a week daycare.
• birthday projects for friends
• play dates, laundry, annnnd ....more laundry
• finally (i think) planning a baby shower for my big brother and his sweet wife. the poor girl is due in a month and has been so sick her entire pregnancy. i actually created their registry for them the day after they told me she hadn't had a shower. in her country they don't have them. huh!? every momma has to get showered!
she's from the Philippines and just moved here with her daughter as soon as the fiancée visa arrived. i could go into an entire story about her and my brother, maybe (another) blog, because they are so amazing and perfect for each other (and) brought me a new niece whom i absolutely adore (and) are giving me a nephew due January 17th.
i couldn't be more thrilled and honored to be such a special part of it all...oh, but now...i'm side-tracked again ...
nothing new there …"scatter brain" should be my middle name at this point.
the truth is, while this blog may seem (so far) like some kind of busy-mom 'frustration rant', it's actually not...
if there's one thing i have acknowledged about myself at this point in my 30 years of life, i am and always have been a "busy body" ; a CSD or 'Certified Social Diva'. i do believe i can say i'm being original with that one!
it's simply the truth of ‘me’ and according to my parents, this was always the case. my dad has told me several times now about the laugh he'd have looking out the window to see his 5-year-old daughter leading a barefooted game of ‘follow the leader’ up the street, as a trail of neighborhood kids followed one-by-one closely behind.
i can only hope i was never the controlling 'tyrant' type of kid, though i'll admit, my memories are pretty vague. i DO however remember being outdoors playing ALL day long with my friends. it would be half past dark outside and i never wanted to go home for dinner.
the point is, it's me whether i like it (most days) or not.
sometimes i dream about how incredible it would be to just get away and go hop a plane to India or Bali and stay in an Ashram for two weeks to mediate while having taken a vow of silence the entire time so i can experience something new and different with myself...(with) God... "Eat, Pray, Love" anyone?
BUT just like everything else that i toss into my 'wishful thinking' box, i end up tossing that thought aside too, realizing that even if i had the opportunity tomorrow to do just that (and) as incredible as it would be, it would still pale in comparison to the complete and utter JOY i experience in the moments of my life being with the ones i love the most...laughing, playing, rocking and holding my babies close to me.
even through the hustle and bustle of the holidays, they are the JOY of my heart here on earth and it would be hard enough spending a few days away from them much more weeks.
not to mention, if i'm being real with the 'chatty Cathy' in me.... "really Naomi!?" take a ‘vow of silence' and go two WHOLE weeks without a word to anyone!? right! i could do that!
my soul THRIVES on being a relational and social human being, and there's nothing like owning the challenge to channel the inner Yogi in myself through the chaos of this life.
i find my greatest 'tests' administered from the Spirit world come to me either when i have a load of 'busy work' on my plate and even more in the situations that are totally out of my control such as my (near) two-year-old's outrageous screaming and crying fits on a regular basis.
it's become clockwork most evenings after she's had a bath when all i can do is chant 'OMMMMMM' in my head as i sit there staring at her (patiently) waiting and allowing her the time she needs to 'cry it out' before she's ready to oblige mommy with allowing me to put her diaper and PJs on.
my friends with boys say it's more exhausting because they're so rambunctious (not that i'm gonna argue that one) but WOW are toddler girls pure emotional drama at times!
but i suppose all i really need to do in those moments is turn the table around on myself (and) "self-reflect" for a few moments to realize that i (do) have within me the ability to sympathize with her, rather than being frustrated because who am i kidding!? according to the stories, i was even worse at her age. "pay back" i suppose…
yet something magical happens every time i succeed at tuning inward. when i seek more patience, God delivers. when i seek the 'Calm' through the chaos, i suddenly begin to feel it.
the only way to describe it is the feeling of floating through the moments as though it were really an illusion of some sort...
the 'illusion' that says Life must be in a hurry. "ALL WILL FAIL" if you don't "HURRY, HURRY, HURRY" ...get that diaper on 'NOW!' GET your shopping done NOW girl!
we've all been there right? just writing the words make me want to slow down.
and it's only when i choose not to tune myself inward that i'm left struggling with all the outward chaos. in those moments i am left to my own unfortunate, short-tempered strategies to "get the job DONE".
it's the 'uglier' side of me that leaves me desperately wishing for that escape to Bali to discover 'the new and improved me, the real me just like Julia Roberts (real-life character) Elizabeth in the book turned movie....or so that's what i tell myself…
but the reality is, there's no escape. even she learned that lesson through her journey.
i will be with 'me' wherever i go.
the big question is:
"who is the me i want to take with me wherever i go (in) whatever i am doing?"
the 'me' i am striving to be daily, is a me that chooses to be happy and stress-free through everything, especially the busier time of the year and even the tougher, more frustrating moments of life...
to practice the art of find my ‘happy place'....my 'Zen' ....even in the face of a raging storm and when i'm so physically and mentally exhausted that all i can do is PRAY and ask for the ‘miracle juice’ that keeps me going.
i'd be so lost and empty without my Spirituality. i can honestly say that i wonder how people get through life without it... without any sense of Spiritual purpose for this short life we are living in the grander scheme of things.
knowing and fully believing that the day will come, hopefully not until i’ve lived a looooong life, when i'm in my 'Life Review' on the other side… i'm quite certain that ALL of this will be worth something.
the 'me' i want to be is the me who chooses the higher road in every circumstance of life. the 'me' who can experience the fullness of heavenly Peace and Joy especially amidst the rolling thunder and waves... i want to walk on water!
i want to look back on my life with pride --not only in the love, grace, and patience i extend to my children, but to all those around me whether they "deserve" it or not.
through the midst of this crazy season, i am reminded of The Reason for the season--the birth of Christ and the pattern and example He laid out for all of us in order to experience the Way, the Truth, and the Life in our own lives and the lives of others.
through all the chaos, this Season, for me, has so far been a time of reflection:
what do i want (more) of? what do i (need to do) to get it? 'who' do i want to be more like?
and it always boils down to one Name...
Jesus.
i want to be more like Jesus and to continue doing my best to teach my girls to be like Jesus.
today was a nice break from all the hustle and bustle of shopping. we only had doctor appointments, naps, and praying over Operation Christmas Child boxes on the agenda.
through the coughs, colds, and sleepless nights of the last couple weeks, (today) i was reminded of how richly blessed we are in our lives and how much we have to be thankful for.
although i know Hannah didn't quite understand why we were praying for the boxes, she loves to pray nonetheless and it just....melts. my. heart. to see her clasp her fingers and close her eyes real tight waiting to say "Ahhh-men" as she smiles... man, it gets me every time!
as i wrote notes in the journals included for both the boy and girl who would receive the boxes encouraging them to share 'everything' with their journal, i imagined the reactions on their sweet little faces when they opened the box of toys. the thought alone made me smile.
of course i had to throw in a couple of mine and my brother’s own childhood favorites (i.e.) the whoopee cushion and 'snot' glasses, Jesus would approve right? ☺
but best of all is knowing that one day i won't have to 'wonder' what their faces looked like...ONE day when i'm standing on the other side, i will see the look on their faces when they opened those boxes and i will see the effect of all my choices-- good or bad, generous or selfish.
we are all connected through the love of the Living God as we give of ourselves, our time, and resources, not only to those we know and love, but to those we may never see in this lifetime...we are a thread, and like my favorite Chinese proverb says it best --
"the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break"
i was a little behind with it this year, but it's not too late to prepare a box if you haven't already! or make a donation to Samaritan's Purse and know that you are going to be a piece of that thread in bringing smiles and laughter to a child(ren) who need them this Christmas!
may your Season be Merry and oh. SO. BRIGHT during this 'happiest' time of the year!
God Bless
Namaste
With Love....
With Love....
Naomi
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