the question i've been asked a handful of times in life, always finding the need to pause long and hard before answering. and not because i don't know the answer, but because i need to make sure i give some level of adequate explanation and due-justice to the critical importance it plays into the depths of my soul. i couldn't get through life without it. literally.
even my past time hobbies like writing don't happen easily without music playing in the background or through my ear plugs (when i'm at Starbucks), and specifically when i'm working on my Trilogy. it’s like i have to be listening to classical/instrumental piano or cello in order for the creativity to flow effortlessly out of my fingers and onto the computer keys; some interesting correlation i discovered not too long after a jump start on book 1 of, eventually, 3.
and now that i'm a mother with two
beautiful girls whom i make every intention of gearing towards music,
art, and dance; i occasionally wonder what all our lives would be like without
it and the first thought that usually comes to mind is "sadness". in
fact, i always know when i haven't spent enough time in the week either
listening to music on Pandora or singing and playing my guitar because it’s
when the mini-bouts of mild depression begin to creep in.
the root of the problem usually
doesn't dawn on me right away but once it does, i almost always remember the
anecdote...music. and like magic, my woes seem to fade away
into thin air as i close my eyes and fixate on the chill up and down my spine
with every vibration of every note, to songs
like this one and please do yourself a favor and close your
eyes while you listen to it!
there are so many chapters in my life
that i could hit 'replay' in my mind on and hear within a
moment's measure, every lyric to the playlist of that
period and truly feel all over again, what i felt in
the moment i first felt it. and isn't that incredible? …how music can do
this to us without any effort is nothing short of amazing to me. about seven
and a half years ago i was taking 24 units at Cal State San Marcos just so i
could finish two semesters in one and graduate early, while living
up in West Hollywood at the time—cocktailing weekend nights at Saddle Ranch on
Sunset Blvd, in addition to swinging whatever acting audition i could by day.
and yes, you read that right, school
in San Diego and rent in Los Angeles: “how on earth” did i
pull that off you're wondering? i still ask myself the same question. (hashtag)
#MUSIC, and a whole lot of it to maintain my sanity on
those long morning and evening commutes, especially when stuck in bumper to
bumper traffic on the 405. i'd zone out to the sounds of classical piano,
cello, guitar and violin, or some of my favorite artists and bands. and somehow
an almost 2 hour commute would magically turn into a two-second one.
of course i must give due-credit to
the three additional forms of personal crack that kept me
going: #5hourenergydrinks #coffee #Red bull. and if you can believe it, i
actually managed to graduate with a 3.7 GPA which was more than humbling
considering how much i slacked off in college. i'd wait until the last minute
and then pull all-nighters on a regular basis, in some cases, to start a
paper the night before it was due. who does that?
take the 20-pager i wrote on the “History and Culture of Cambodia.” i can't say that i entirely deserved the A- i received (it was a class period late). i shamefully admit i was still writing citations when the period was over and then lied and said my printer broke that morning (hash-tag) #classicexcuse. i hadn’t even started it until 10 pm the night before and hadn't slept a wink through the night. and let me be clear when i say that there's no way i'll allow my girls to do the same thing. procrastination is not a good look and i don't aim to make it sound attractive, ha!
nonetheless, i can only credit God
with landing a B.A.in Mass Media
Communications. i was so thankful that by His grace and will for me to live out
a few more days of life on earth, i didn't die of a heart attack from all
that crack! funny as it is at the moment, i can't even remember
the last time i drank a Red Bull but in my early twenties, i guzzled that s***
like water! all eight classes (3 online) of the 24 units that i had to
petition the Dean himself to approve; of course i didn't tell him i was working
and living up in L.A.; and in fact (not proud to admit) i lied and said i
wasn't working at all and had “extra” financial assistance in addition to my
loans.
and then just two weeks after what
felt like an endless battle to "do it all" as quick
as possible—diploma finally in hand, i knew i needed to be as
far away as i could from California and as far as i could from David, whom i
was still attempting to 'get over' at that point in time. so i did what
any free bird would. i licked my finger and held it to the wind knowing it was
time to spread my wings in one direction or another.
acting wasn't for me, mainly because
L.A. wasn't for me. as cool as it may have been, for a quick minute at least,
to hang out with people i never dreamed in a million years i would be hanging
out with, it's a totally different world up there; a world i just didn't belong
to. and in spite of everyone i'd met, some really cool “transplants” for
that matter, telling me i hadn't given it nearly enough time, urging me
to stay, i knew my soul just wouldn't thrive there and it was high time to make
like a banana and split. hehe!
no sooner had i called the girls up
in San Diego, dropped the bomb on them that i had decided overnight to move to
Texas and petitioned a: "let's party and bid me farewell!" night
out. come the following morning i was off and on my way with whatever could fit
in my (then) sweet little silver Toyota Celica, making the 26 hour trek from
San Diego to Lake Travis, where my sister, niece and nephew awaited my arrival.
it was perhaps one of my favorite
road trips ever, if only for the fact it had been the
one and only i had ever done entirely alone. minus one creepy incident in
hick town somewhere in the docks on the way there, after pulling over for gas
and feeling like i was in the twilight zone….the rest of the trip was awesome.
no one to talk to, all worry at bay, windows rolled down, hair blowing in the
wind, seduced by the sunset views ahead, rocking out to my favorite tunes
on the wide open road; it was, in a word…..glorious.
well, at least up until the red bulls
and coffees got me so far. i think i finally pulled over to sleep just 10 hours
outside of Austin. but it really was the music that pulled me through that
difficult, emotional period of life; then and still today. music pulls me
through life because it is Life.
of course i couldn't have picked a
better place than Austin, TX—thee LIVE-MUSIC capital of the world, where a sign
actually hangs over the state building that reads: "Keep Austin
Weird"....and "weird" is so my cup of tea. ha! South by
Southwest, ACL (Austin City Limits), all the independent music festivals—truly a
music-lovers dream city. Austin is so eclectic and full of Life and the most
incredible energy. i loved my time there. and can't wait to get back for visit next month with David and the girls!
like so many others in this world, i
can honestly say that a life without music wouldn't be life at all. and every
now and then when i'm listening to a song that speaks into the very fibers of
my innermost being, i feel entirely overcome by emotion as though the lyrics
are coming straight out of my own soul. words i
feel, in that moment, don't belong to the one who wrote them but to
me and me alone.
as Bob Marley so famously said
it: "one good thing about music is when it hits you, you feel no
pain" and i couldn't agree more. i also couldn’t even begin to
count the times in my life when music has helped heal my emotional wounds. and
i know in those moments of music-induced awareness throughout my life, that my
host of heavenly companions are chiming in, encouraging me with every measure
of every chord that kisses my bones to “keep truckin'"...to "keep
singing" and to "keep the fire within burning
bright".
i'm reminded that this Universe and
every living thing within it was created by the heavenly melodies and harmonies
interwoven in one ongoing thread that connects each of us to the next. it's
a mystery where the thread starts and a greater mystery where it ends.
the ‘Marvel of the Thread’ is the Hand of God Him(Her) Self, who could inspire,
author, and compose such perplexity, all on the foundation and platform of
music—vibrating through that One Thread of our entire existence. men have
sought answers to these questions all throughout the span of time. and here we
find ourselves today pondering the same thoughts in those
moments when we become "lost in the music".
one of the greatest
"AHA!" moments for me has come in the realization that every fiber
of existence in the Universe(s) beats to this ultimate rhythm; the wind, the
trees, the ocean waves, the plants, the birds, animals, and insects all singing
Mother Earth's praises in one GRAND Cosmic Symphony of sounds with Einstein's
"E= MC2" of quantum physics dancing to the very same rhythm as we
continuously manifest our thoughts and dreams into existence.
it's baffling…sobering.
there are so many days when i am so
deep into mediation on a lyrical song or instrumental piece that the
Universe literally seems to stand still for me. it's as if
every note and chord has penetrated the fibers of my being so deeply that i am
not belonging to myself but a mere slice of the Whole of Creation, outside my
individual body. no sooner i find my head somewhere else entirely and my
heart wishing i had the superpower to transport my body
to that one moment of Creation when the Symphony first began; PURE
transcendence…
to be dancing next to Our Creator as
He lifts his baton in the air preparing to conduct his Cosmic Orchestra of
Light onto the stage of earth and what would inevitably become the "human
drama". God, and God within us, the greatest composer
and playwright of all time. like thunder, the infinite sounds of every
instrument that could possibly exist, including Nature Herself, all in sync
with the glorious hues and pigments of cosmic stars crashing on the still smoky
landmass emerging; forming the earth, trees, flowers, waters, skies; as the
Angels surround Him, marveling and singing all praises over and over again---flowing
effortlessly through the wind. the sound is electronic and classically organic;
a true "symphonic" masterpiece of chords that cannot be
described in even the lengthiest of explanations.
and it is this kind of
music-awareness that must be FELT and that's why music is my medicine. it
speaks and breathes into my soul and every ounce of my blood. it tears down the
tallest of walls i could possibly build and replaces them with infinite Love
and renewed sense of purpose. when my heart aches, it is the music that cracks
me open so subtly just moments before sending massive healing vibrations into
every rejuvenated cell, bringing "peace like a
river in my soul" where turmoil existed just a few seconds
earlier. for a fleeting parcel of time, if that's all i'm granted, to take a
journey outside myself; outside my body and the construct of time; to
view Life from the Infinite, i've
discovered is a GIFT to behold and experience and one that i've never taken for
granted in my musically-induced meditative state every now and then.
to even attempt to explain the
importance of music to me, i can only say that to exist without it is to exist
in a state of complete tension and indefinite depression. and we all know
"THE" struggle because we're here together pushing
through the struggle on this temporary planet, in our temporary "vacation
homes" playing out our 'temporary' respective roles in the drama of Life
and the bigger ‘Human Motion Picture’ (which we'll get to view one day on a screen)
wondering some days what the point of it really is and when it will all
end...and it is with these same questions and frustrations and this same
struggle that we are reminded how truly "rare and beautiful it is
that we exist" (Sleeping At Last~ Saturn)
but i think at least one answer can
be found when "on the other side" when living in the true
bliss of our inner-selves without these bodies holding us back any longer; we will remember and appreciate the struggle all the more. and the music then, hard
enough to believe, will be even more miraculous. take away music from me, you
may as well take away the very air i breath and the Spiritual growth and
awareness i manage to achieve so slowly and subtly, but surely by
its power.
then of course there's the music of Mother Nature alone, which also breathes into the innermost compartments of my soul.
do i sound like a "tree hugger" yet? i hope so! because these
fleeting moments of deeper longings to be One with Nature and God and to be
'Home' in my Eternal-Home, entrap me at times in some paradoxical universe
where i am equally bound and committed to my duties here while simultaneously
desperately longing to experience the music flowing through my veins on some
other higher realm and elevated level of experience; a place i
am so certain awaits me in my corner of heaven on the
"other" side where i'll be surrounded by every instrument that has
ever existed, sliding down the neck of my pet giraffe and dancing gracefully
from one tree branch to the next, twirling in thin air.
but let me clarify that by no means
am i suicidal, but i do suppose you could say that when it comes to the very
common "fear of death", i am no where near dipping my toes in that
water. i just don't have it in me. i embrace my time whenever that
may be, because i know that every Life serves a greater purpose, in life and
death than it ever realizes while on earth. Life never ends, so what is there
to fear but fear itself? i am nonetheless equally content to
play out my part on Earth, finding all sense of true purpose in my role as a
wife and mother.
even when i'm listening to music
through the menial chores and errands of daily life; when i have these moments
that transcend space and time, sending chills down my spine and tears rolling
down my cheeks, i am left calm and breathless; more certain than ever that we
were made to live for so much more than what we settle for daily. moreover,
that we were not made for 'this' world, but the one we came from and the one we
will return to.
i can still remember the first time
it happened. i was driving and listening to my classical station when suddenly
another instrumental piece started playing and, kid you not, my
body was instantaneously covered in chills from head to toe as i was moved to
sobbing tears of joy and awe struck wonder in my heart, wanting to explode from
my chest. i listened to the entire piece before wiping my face dry and reaching
for my phone to see the name of the composition; sure enough: "In
Reverence" by David Tolk (please
close your eyes when you listen)
and did you know that research has
shown that even plants and water contain a natural rhythm by Design. yes, they
make music that is virtually impossible to replicate! although many refuse
to expand the definition of "consciousness" beyond the boundaries of
those living things with a central nervous system which plants
obviously don't have, i personally believe there is undeniably strong evidence
that suggests plants and water are indeed sentient on
some level.
hard to believe? just check
out this video. Dr. Emoto, (a highly evolved soul if you ask me) had
made it his life study to understanding the nature of this consciousness in ice
crystals. the forms that these water molecules take on in response to certain
song lyrics, words, phrases, exposure to children, photos etc. will leave your
jaw on the table! or there are incredible artists
like this woman who use electrodes to extract and amplify this
organic music from within the plants themselves and the results are nothing
short of incredible and soul-satisfying.
and thankfully we don't have to
imagine a life without music! the argument could be made that we wouldn't even
exist without it. if you watched the Emoto video, i'll repeat here that water
makes up 60 percent of our bodies, so what does that tell us? the vibrations
from music entering our body through the inner ear were made, by
Intelligent Design, to connect with those vibrations in the water molecules
within us! and every thought we think manifests itself in our bodies;
hence the reason to “choose our thoughts wisely”.
scientists and researchers have also
devoted a great deal of their lives to studying the neurological and physiological effects of music toward
improved health and higher intelligence. what they've discovered should come as
no surprise at this point: music calms us; it reduces our anxiety, stress, and
depression. it makes us happier and improves our cognitive functioning by
slowing down the aging of our brains and releasing endorphins that help improve
our overall vascular health (heart rate, pulse, and blood pressure). music
boosts our immune system and reduces pain; it improves our athletic
performances as well as our verbal and visual skills among so many other
benefits.
when it comes to children, the research has shown a direct
correlation between musical training and higher IQ's, improved language
development, creativity, problem-solving, academic performance, and reasoning
capabilities; all essential and fundamental skills that children carry with them
into adulthood, their families and workplaces etc.
and for that reason, it is important
to me that i do my best to instill an affinity towards musical instruments into
my girls lives. fortunately for them, they have their very own music teacher in
their 'Papa' (my dad) who has over 30 music students of his own. you name it,
he teaches every instrument in the book and gives voice lessons too. i can only
hope and pray my girls don't take that for granted like i did when i was a kid.
my dad started me on the piano at five years old and tells me that he couldn't
keep me at the bench as soon as the neighborhood kids came knocking on the
door. i was too much of a social busy body for music back then.
and years later, he tried again, forking out all the money he could to have my
younger brother and i attend Hockstein School of Music and Performing Arts: a
prestigious, private alternative school in Rochester, New York. after just
a few short months, our teachers had to tell him that he was wasting his money..."they
just aren't interested". and to think now...now that
i'm older and having taught myself the guitar, longing to pick up the piano
again, i only WISH i never stopped! obviously, i'd never 'force' an
instrument on my children if i knew they weren't interested at all, i can't
exactly blame my dad; but i do make it a point to have music playing often to
help foster a love affair with it and so they develop an ear for pitch and
rhythm early on in their development.
we even have a room in the house dedicated to
music, dance, art, and mediation. some of our favorite times together are spent
in there with paint brushes in hand and banging on the piano and
guitar. according to David, Hannah will not be our
singer, ha! but we're counting on Adelynn being our little songbird.
as a baby she has shown way more
interest in music and body movement than Hannah ever did that early. all on her
own she started clapping one day and holding her hands together, swaying side
to side when the music came on. and boy does she love when i whip out my guitar
and start singing to her….not to mention the songs at church. she actually
lifted her hand in the air one evening service with a big smile on her
face as soon as the music started playing. it was the sweetest
thing!
the musical, melodious moments of our marvelous, miraculous, magnificent lives....how is that for a play on words? ha!
